Also, I think another one of my students called me a word I can't say. Which wasn't fun, but I get it. These kids are so rough, and it's so weird because sometimes they want to be your best friend, and sometimes they hate your guts. And when that happens, they wont listen. And they talk back. And treat you like you don't matter at all. And call you bad names when they think you can't hear them. And it hurts my heart. Not because I'm upset that they treat me that way, but because of why they treat me that way and the reasons behind their attitudes and rough edges.
These kids deal with things and face challenges that no 5th grader should ever have to worry about. I want so bad to show them that they can overcome all of it and be successful and be more than just stuck where they are. (And I want so badly for them to see that I'm pushing them and making them learn to read and do math because I want to help them and give them everything they need to get out of where they are.) But it's hard for them to see it, I think. Because it's all they've ever known. And it's hard for me to show them sometimes, because they get frustrated and shut down.
Which is frustrating for me, and it breaks my heart. Because I see all these amazing things in them, and I don't think that they see them at all. But for now, it is only September, and there is still time. :)
On a side note, working in an elementary school and observing all of the different teachers and classrooms makes me realize how incredibly lucky I was growing up. Since I've been in the schools, I have seen some absolutely amazing and wonderful things, but I have also seen some absolutely awful "why would you ever do this in your classroom?" things too. Each and every day I am with my students in my school, I become more and more thankful for my elementary school teachers (go Rice Rangers!) and all of the wonderful knowledge and experiences they gave me growing up. I only wish my students could have that too.
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