I will not be shaken.

"Yet I am always with you;

you hold me by my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel,

and afterward you will take me into glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail, 

but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. 

Those who are far from you will perish:

you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.

But as for me, it is good to be near God.

I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;

I will tell of all your deeds." 

- psalm 73:23-28

Not to be a drama queen, but this has honestly been one of the hardest, if not the hardest, weeks I've had in a very very long time. I feel very stuck, and there are a lot of things going on that are beyond my control currently. Frustration and doubt and anger and worry and longing are all constants this week. 

I have become the poster child for "PRAY WITHOUT CEASING." That part has actually been pretty cool. (If only I could get better at listening. Or hearing. Or both.) 

There is purpose in this week. The Lord is present, even though I don't understand. 

There is peace. And for that, I am thankful. 

I am asking questions and seeking answers. 

I am praying for the courage to act on these answers, even if it's scary.
I am learning about loosening my grip. 

God is working in big ways and little ways every day.
It has been so cool to see how He has answered prayers this week.
He is faithful in the small things, and I know He is and will be faithful in the big things.

creating.

I came across this in my reading today, and it's worth sharing:

"This is the thing about art: it's not about market demand. It's not like trying to figure out if this town needs another grocery store or dry cleaner. It's more like a million voices all yelling out one word over and over, and every once in a while the sound makes the whole world sit up straight and pay attention for a split second. 

The world does not need another band, per se. It doesn't, strictly speaking, need another book or another photographer or another album. The general world population will survive without one more stage production and one more gallery showing.

The thing is, though: you might not. We create because we were made to create, having been made in the image of God, whose first role was Creator. He was and is a million different things, but in the beginning, he was a creator. That means something for us, I think. We were made to be things that he is: forgivers, redeemers, second chance-givers, truth-tellers, hope-bringers. And we were certainly, absolutely, made to be creators."  

- "bittersweet"

shauna niequist

There is a reason we feel the way we do when we create. 
For me it's music. And words. And art.
For others it's food or clothes or media or dance.
Whatever it is that you create, there is a reason it makes you feel at home --
Like it's exactly what you're supposed to be doing.

It is exactly what you're supposed to be doing.
It is not stupid, or small, or a waste of time.
It is necessary and satisfying and something that is ingrained in us as humans. 

A charge -- words to her readers that I pass on to you:

"Get up. Create like you're training for a marathon, methodically, day by day. Learn your tricks, find a friend, leave the dirty dishes in the sink for a while. This is your chance to become what you believe deep in your secret heart you might be. You are an artist, a guide, a prophet. You are a storyteller, a visionary, the Pied Piper himself. Do the work, learn the skills, and make art, because of what the act of creation will create in you."

GOD IS WORKING IN MY LIFE.

In more ways than one.

And I can see it, and I can feel it,

AND IT'S FREAKING EXCITING. 

"My heart rejoices in the Lord! The Lord has made me strong. 

Now I have an answer for my enemies; I rejoice because you rescued me. 
 No one is holy like the Lord! There is no one beside you; there is no Rock like our God."

- 1 Samuel 2:1-2 

battles.

I read my old journals a lot: going back to find a quote or a memory or a conversation. Every time I look, I find something that speaks to and encourages me. Praise God for that!

"I'm reading and I'm seeking and I'm crying out- 

"I don't understand! Why have you brought me here?!" 

And an answer - "Don't you see? 

Over, and over, and over your God has fought 

and conquered battles much bigger than these [of yours]."

- from the yellow one. 

(Sometime between a Singers memory 

and Christmas at Barnes and Noble.)

Search me, O God, and know my heart.

Long time no blog. 
Nothing huge has been going on in my life that I feel the need to blog about. I spent the holidays with family, which was wonderful, and I got to spend New Years with a few fellow-Sky Ranchers, which is always a good time.

I'm still on the job hunt. I had a pretty sweet one in the works over the past few weeks, and it fell through today because the company said they couldn't afford to hire anyone right now. Super bummer, but it's okay. I know that the Lord has something else planned that I'm supposed to be doing right now, so I just have to keep looking until I find it. I am frustrated, but I know that there is a purpose in this.

I feel like everyone's lives are moving forward except mine. I don't feel like the adult that the world says I'm now supposed to be. My apartment still looks like a dorm room, and I'm still fine with wearing t-shirts and TOMS every day. Even when I try to "dress professional" or nice to go to dinner with my friends, I feel like I'm the awkward teenager trying to look like I fit in at a table with cool young adults who actually belong there.

I honestly like my clothes and my apartment, for that matter, but I feel like I don't and can't match up to everyone else. (And I hate that I even feel like I need to.) I feel so stuck. Everyone is doing great things with their post-grad lives, and I'm just -- not. I feel like there is something big waiting for me, and i just have to find it. I am trying to be patient until the Lord reveals what His plans are for my next step, but it is getting increasingly harder. It is increasingly harder to be content with my current circumstances, and to not get upset when others are doing great things and moving forward without me.

I wrote a journal entry last night about how it feels like almost everyone in my life has outgrown me. It really hurts when I think about it that way, but that's what it feels like right now. I am so ready to find my purpose and my place. I want to be doing great things and having great adventures. It is so hard to be stuck on the verge. I feel very much like a horse (not that I know what it feels like to be a horse...) in a race, and everyone's gate opened but mine. Mine got stuck, and everyone's running the track but me. I am very much so ready to run. (what up, blog title!)

Needless to say, my attitude over the past few weeks and months has been characterized by frustration and the inadequacy I feel when I put my current situation up against almost everyone else's that I look at. I've always heard and believed that "comparison is the thief of joy," and I can attest to that fact 100% at this point. The worst part is that I know this to be true, but I still struggle with it. It is so difficult to be in this place and not compare myself with others and what they have going for them.

I have struggled with this a lot this week as I have been back in Austin spending time with my friends. I genuinely love them and am so excited about all of the great things that are happening in their lives, but it just makes me feel worse about myself. I know that is a bold statement, but I want to be honest. All of us face struggles in our walk with Christ, and this is one of my biggest right now.

I am trying to focus a lot on becoming who He has created me to become. I know that I am still growing and learning, and will always be. He isn't finished with me, and I know that He does have plans for me post-college. I feel that there is something big He is putting on my heart. I'm not even sure what it is at this point, but I am praying that He will give me discernment on this and courage to pursue it. I know that He will prepare me in time. Like I said, there is purpose in this - in my current position, and this journey he is leading me on to get to my next place. It's difficult, but I know that it is necessary.

Today was perfect outside - 75 and sunny in mid-January. Thank you, Austin, yes please! I spent a really great few hours at the park (one of the perks of being unemployed!) with a Sonic drank and the Word. I found a lot of freedom and comfort in Psalm 139. It it exactly what I needed today.

He has not forgotten about me. 
He has not left me to do this alone. 
He has a plan.

So, my hope is renewed and I will continue to walk on -- the journey to become who He has created me to be, and find the place He has prepared for me.

O Lord, you have examined my heart

and know everything about me.

You know when I sit down or stand up.

You know my thoughts even when I'm far away. 

You see me when I travel

and when I rest at home. 

You know everything I do. 

You know what I am going to say

even before I say it, Lord.

You go before me and follow me.

You place your hand of blessing on my head. 

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too great for me to understand! 

I can never escape from your Spirit! 

I can never get away from your presence! 

If I go up to heaven, you are there;

if I go down to the grave, you are there. 

If I ride the wings of the morning, 

if I dwell by the farthest oceans, 

even there your hand will guide me,

and your strength will support me.

I could ask the darkness to hide me 

and the light around me to become night -- 

but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.

To you the night shines as bright as day.

Darkness and light are the same to you. 

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body

and knit me together in my mother's womb.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,

as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. 

You saw me before I was born. 

Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. 

They cannot be numbered! 

I can't even count them;

they outnumber the grains of sand! 

And when I wake up,

you are still with me! 

O God, if only you would destroy the wicked! 

Get out of my life, you murderers! 

They blaspheme you,

your enemies misuse your name.

O Lord, shouldn't I hate those who hate you?

Shouldn't I despise those who oppose you?

Yes, I hate them with total hatred,

for your enemies are my enemies. 

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Point out anything in me that offends you,

and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Blogger world, I'm going to be honest with you and throw it out there: This is turning out to be a very hard semester. Somehow, it makes it better to throw it out there, because at least I'm being honest and not pretending everything is peachy. Because truthfully, a lot of things aren't going that great right now. And that's okay, because God is still sovereign and that is enough.

And I'm okay with it, because things change and life isn't always easy.
And I don't always understand, but I don't have to.
Because, like I said, He has it and that's all I need to know.
(And He has had all of this written from the beginning of time.)

But I am very tired of everyone always asking me, "How are things going this year?"
And all I can say is, "They're fine," because they wouldn't understand even if I told them.
But that's okay too, it really is. It's just hard.

I am learning a lot of really wonderful things.
And I am also wrestling with and questioning a lot of things.
Which is very exhausting, and hard, but I need it.

I really am not trying to complain.
I just needed to write it.
Because now, at least it's out there.
And that helps.

On a completely different note: awesome things.

freely.

Tonight I was blessed to sit in Briar's living room
(which has stinkin' amazing acoustics) and sing.
Honestly, simply, freely sing.
No choir, no pressure.
No notes to follow or standard to meet
or music majors listening to everything I do. 

Just me, and Denny and Briar.
Briar played, and I sang any song that fit.
Anything from oldies, to Taylor to praise songs. 
And Denny listened. Simply listened.

And for the first time in a very long time,
I sang without fear of judgment or critique or comparison.
I don't think I realized how much I hang on to all of that until tonight.
And there is so much freedom in letting it go.
And it was peaceful. And perfect. And so, so wonderful. 

And somehow, through a simple unscripted mega-mashup, Jesus is there.
And there is some big picture here that I can't quite wrap my brain around yet.
Something about freedom, and letting it go,
and seeing the intricate beauty in things as simple as this.
And something about stepping out of this crazy chaotic mess that is life,
and stopping long enough to be a part of moments and memories like these.
And taking time to enjoy the things He has given us,
and the crazy countless wonderful personal ways that He shows His love for us.
Because honestly, nothing else matters.
And in that, there is so much freedom.

So praise Him for precious moments.
And precious friends.
And the ability to sing freely in a living room.

How marvelous, How wonderful

Is my Savior's love for me.

you are here.

Let our faith be not alone.

May our hearts be not of stone. 

Give us souls that never close

To the grace that You bestow.

May our eyes be quick to see

You are here,

You've come to rescue me.

today in quotes.

An email sent over the lhssocial listserv at 9am:

Sorry guys, I'm really slow on things like this. And by that I mean waking up. But......... it's skip school day! Because apparently there's a shooter! So don't go to class until he's a little more dead or in custody and a little less at large around the PCL.

Lovesmeans,
Dean

One of my fifth graders talking to another one:

"Fag."

Another Email:

"We can't have rehearsal today... so we'll meet at 9am Thursday before we leave for Dallas..."

A conversation: 

"It's hard, because I feel like I"m working my butt off and nothing even matters."
"I get you. Can I ask you... how many times have you wanted to quit?"

In the parking lot:

"It's just sad because I'm not as passionate anymore." 

More than once:

"As much as it sucks to hear, a year from now, none of this is going to matter."

And the only one of these quotes that matters at all:

"...For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.
 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
 It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

- 2 Corinthians 4:7-16

 Breathe. Therefore, we do not lose heart.

psalm 62.

I love this. Look at how it's written. "I wait quietly before the Lord, for in Him is my everything." But then, "But my enemies can't wait to destroy me." Then it stops, take a breath, back to what's important, with determination, "With everything I have I will wait quietly before the Lord, for He is my everything." Then, almost like the writer is begging his people to see it too (I feel his pain. I read this and my heart hurts too): "Oh, my people! This beautiful unfailing love I have found, let Him be your refuge."

¹ I wait quietly before God,
      for my victory comes from him.
 ² He alone is my rock and my salvation,
      my fortress where I will never be shaken.
 ³ So many enemies against one man—
      all of them trying to kill me.
   To them I’m just a broken-down wall
      or a tottering fence.
 ⁴ They plan to topple me from my high position.
      They delight in telling lies about me.
   They praise me to my face
      but curse me in their hearts.
                         Interlude
 ⁵ Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
      for my hope is in him.
 ⁶ He alone is my rock and my salvation,
      my fortress where I will not be shaken.
 ⁷ My victory and honor come from God alone.
      He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
 ⁸ O my people, trust in him at all times.
      Pour out your heart to him,
      for God is our refuge.
                         Interlude
 ⁹ Common people are as worthless as a puff of wind,
      and the powerful are not what they appear to be.
   If you weigh them on the scales,
      together they are lighter than a breath of air.
 ¹⁰ Don’t make your living by extortion
      or put your hope in stealing.
   And if your wealth increases,
      don’t make it the center of your life.
 ¹¹ God has spoken plainly,
      and I have heard it many times:
   Power, O God, belongs to you;
    ¹² unfailing love, O Lord, is yours.
   Surely you repay all people
      according to what they have done.

let all that I am quietly sit with you.

Surf's Up.

The Lord has used the past 24 hours, and two specific conversations to inform me that I am about to be SHOVED out of almost every comfort zone I have ever found myself in. I am slightly terrified, but mostly really excited.

Basically, I just got offered the best job in the world. More on this later, when it's finalized. This is the really excited part. Really. Really. Excited.

Also, just found out some crazy information that shook my heart up. I really can't say any more about it than that. It overwhelms me a little, but I know it will be okay. There is peace, and I know that the Lord has it. His heart for this and for these people is so much bigger than mine is. I know that it might be a battle in a lot of ways, but I am confident and ready.

All day, it's been Ephesians 6 in my brain. So I will cling to that and get ready to be thrown out of the pool and into the ocean. In the words of Cham, "Surf's up, breh."

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.
Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood,
but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world
and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes,
you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist,
with the breastplate of righteousness in place,
and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.
In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith,
with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests."
- Ephesians 6:10-18

What if I sacrificed everything?
All of my time, all of my energy, all of that money that I don't have-
to serve the Lord and those around me?
For my family.
For my roommates.
For my friends.
For Singers.

What if I always did the dishes, even when they weren't mine?
What if I always stayed late for events Singers did and made sure everything was cleaned up and taken care of?
What if I always answered questions with patience and a good attitude, even when twelve other people had asked me that question in the last five minutes?
What if I always stayed late at parties to take care of people?
What if I quit making excuses like, "I did it last time," or "I'm really busy this week," or "I'm too tired?"
Always, instead of just sometimes.

I think that my life, and to some degree the lives of those around me, would be radically different.

I have been missing out on so much.
I think it's time to start LIVING again.

undivided.

You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call to you.

Hear my prayer, O LORD;
listen to my cry for mercy.

In the day of my trouble I will call to you,
for you will answer me.

Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord;
no deeds can compare with yours.

All the nations you have made
will come and worship before you, O Lord;
they will bring glory to your name.

For you are great and do marvelous deeds;
you alone are God.

Teach me your way, O LORD,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.

I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.

For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.

- psalm 86:5-13

35 days.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,
but only what is helpful for building up others, according to their needs,
that it may benefit those who listen."
-Ephesians 4:29

for the moments I feel faint.

I throw up my hands,
"Oh the impossibilities!"
Frustrated and tired,
where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for
the confidence I've lost so willingly-
overcoming these obstacles is
overcoming my fear.

Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me there's no hope,
I'm telling you you're wrong.
Never underestimate my Jesus.
When the world around you crumbles,
He will be strong.

Gather my inefficiencies and place them in Your hands.

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all-- how will he not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died-- more that that, who was raised to life-- is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loves us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
-Romans 8:31-39

crazy love.

So I'm reading this book called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan, which I have had since about week 3 of camp last summer and have, until today, yet to make it past the first chapter. Today, I read chapters 2 and 3, and literally set my book down at one point and said to Cat and Kaila, "Guys, this book is blowing my mind right now." Honestly, I would love to put the entire third chapter (entitled "Crazy Love") on here for you to read, but that probably violates some type of copyright something, slash it is a lot of typing. I will share this, though, which is what I read that gave me a huge "WOW" moment and one of those, "that is SO cool, I have never thought about it that way before!" things.

Do I Have a Choice?
While I was speaking to some college students recently, an interesting twist on the contrast between our unresponsiveness and God's great desire for us came up. One student asked, "Why would a loving God force me to love Him?"
It seemed like a weird question. When I asked the student to clarify what he meant, he responded that God "threatens me with hell and punishment if I don't begin a relationship with Him."
The easy retort to that statement is that God doesn't' force us to love Him; it's our choice. But there was a deeper issue going on, and I wasn't sure how to answer it in the moment.
Now that I've had time to think about it, I would tell the student that if God is truly the greatest good on this earthy, would He be loving us if he didn't draw us toward what is best for us (even if that happens to be Himself)? Doesn't His courting, luring, pushing, calling and even "threatening" demonstrate His love? if He didn't do all of that, wouldn't we accuse Him of being unloving in the end, when all things are revealed?

I have always had a problem with those people that stand in front of the Co-Op/Union on the Drag and hold up those huge signs and yell at people because "we are all going to Hell if we don't as Jesus to save us." Their signs say something to that effect in big red firey letters, and they yell to all of us walking by like they know for sure that we are all heathens and have no idea that we are living terrible lives, nor do we care. This has always bothered me because first of all, how on earth is THIS supposed to show people Jesus? Are you really going to change my heart by yelling at me and waving a huge sign in my face? (I don't know, maybe. God can do whatever He wants, and use whatever He wants to draw people to Him, so okay, maybe this works in some cases.)

Secondly though, I always find myself walking by this scene thinking, "There is so much more than this." Yes, we are sinners and yes, we need Him to rescue us and yes, there is hell and yes, only He can save us. But it is about so much move than that. It is about having a personal relationship with a loving Creator who wants YOU. And because of that love, He has CHOSEN to rescue us. There is so much more than just "getting your ticket to Heaven" (as Dad always used to say when I was growing up). It is so much deeper than that, and it breaks my heart that the image of Jesus and Christianity that is portrayed in culture today misses it.

I was taught the song "Jesus Loves Me" as a young child: "Jesus loves me, this I know..." Even if you didn't grow up in a church, you probably know how it ends: "...for the Bible tells me so."
If you've spent any time in church, you've heard expressed, in some form or another, the idea that God loves us. I believed this for years becuase, as the song puts it, "the Bible tells me so." The only problem is that it was a concept I was taught, not something I implicitly knew to be true. For years, I "got" God's love in my head, checked the right answer on the "what God is like" test, but didn't fully understand it with my heart.
I don't think I'm the only person who has misunderstood God's love. Most of us, to some degree, have a difficult time understanding, believing, or accepting God's absolute and unlimited love for us. The reasons we don't receive, trust, or see His love vary from one person to the next, but we all miss out because of it.

A few months ago, I began to pray about the fact that I knew the Lord and I knew that He had this infinite amazing love for me, but I felt like I didn't fully get it in my heart. I just felt like there was something that I was missing or just NOT GETTING. And I began to pray that He would show me and help me to understand- to really understand and get it on a deeper level.

And I think this is part of that. I would love to write more on this and what's going on in my brain while reading this and thinking on this, but I'm not sure that I have any more good coherent thoughts at the moment. I am starting to see things and think about things differently, and I can't wait until I have a good enough grasp to share more with you. He is beginning to show me and BLOW MY MIND, and it is SO COOL. Stay tuned for more on how cool God is.

I went upstairs and began to get ready to go out, and I started singing this song, which I haven't even heard in months. I couldn't figure out what it was exactly, so of course I turned to iPhone slash youtube to help me out (duh). :) How perfect:

I will not boast in anything,
No gifts, no power, no wisdom.
But I will boast in Jesus Christ,
His death and resurrection.
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer.
But this I know with all my heart-
His wounds have paid my ransom.

How deep the Father's love for us,
How v a s t beyond all measure.

You said, Your glory will fill the earth
like water to seas
You said "Lift up your eyes the harvest is here the kingdom is near"

You said ask and I'll give the nations to you
Oh Lord, thats the cry of my heart
Distant shores and the islands will see your light
as it rises on us

philippians 3:7-9

"...I consider them rubbish,
that I may gain Christ and be found in him,
not having a righteousness of my own..."

I am here because HE put me here and HE has a purpose for me here.
I am not in this place because of anything I did or am or will ever be, because none of that will ever get me anywhere.
Without HIM and HIS love and everything HE is, I am nothing at all.
And everything that has happened this semester is not because of me, but because of HIM and HIS glory.
Everything I am and everything WE ARE is because of Him.

May I always remember that, regardless of what happens in the coming semesters.
May I always remember that when TV producers and radio shows and semester shows and friends and college and Singer are gone,
YOU REMAIN. And You are more than enough.
Everything is rubbish compared to You.

psalm 13

I trust in Your unfailing love.
psalm13:5

lions.

Oh them lions they can eat my body,
But they won't swallow my soul, no no no.
They keep on trying to crash my party,
but they can't get control, no no.

Last night I curled up on your couch and told all of you that I'm not strong enough for this.
And I was right. I'm not strong enough.

But my God is strong. And without His strength I'm absolutely nothing.
I'm not supposed to be strong enough for this. I was not created to be strong enough for this.

"Only I am strong."

I will stand on YOUR truth and
FIGHT with YOUR STRENGTH.

How sweet it is that I don't have to fight this battle (or any battle) alone.
How sweet it is to be loved by the Creator of the universe and to have Him on my side.
No one ever said it would be easy. No one ever said that I wouldn't be attacked.
But what an awesome opportunity this is to learn and learn to lean on Him and His strength.
And He is strong. And faithful.
And I am His.

¹To the elders among you, I appeal as a fellow elder, a witness of Christ's sufferings
and one who also will share in the glory to be revealed:
²Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, serving as overseers—
not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be;
not greedy for money, but eager to serve; ³not lording it over those entrusted to you,
but being examples to the flock. ⁴And when the Chief Shepherd appears,
you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.
⁵Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you,
clothe yourselves with humility toward one another,
because, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."
⁶Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.
⁷Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
⁸Be self-controlled and alert.
Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion
looking for someone to devour.
⁹Resist him, standing firm in the faith,
because you know that your brothers throughout
the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
¹⁰And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself
restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
¹¹To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

- 1 Peter 5

So, hard? Yes.
But I know who I am and Whose I am, and nothing can change that.
My enemies can bring it, because I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN.

Every week you work up the strength to fight the flames that are hurled.
Let your faith shine right through,
You know it's the world versus Jesus and you.

Also, I must say to my wonderful friends that I was with last night-
thank you for being YOU and loving me and encouraging me.
and letting me ball up on your couch and cry.
Every day I discover once again how blessed I am to know you. :)

Life?
Let's do this trash.