Today I got two interesting Christmas cards. One of them was cute and made me laugh, the other is a cross between brilliant and terrible, and still made me laugh.
The first: from my friend Jamie, who lives in Florida. She is the biggest Gator fan you will ever meet, and has always told me that she will marry Tim Tebow one day. She saw him at the Boardwalk one night, took pictures, and sent these:
"Merry Christmas, Love, Jamie and Tim." Wonderful. I like it.
The second: from my brother. I decided to share this one to further prove my point of how ridiculously different my brother and I are. Also, to show you how brilliant he is. He's never been a super "Christmassy" person, and I think maybe this crossed the line between "brilliant" and "terrible," but nonetheless it made me laugh. I can't decide if me laughing at this is bad or not...
The second: from my brother. I decided to share this one to further prove my point of how ridiculously different my brother and I are. Also, to show you how brilliant he is. He's never been a super "Christmassy" person, and I think maybe this crossed the line between "brilliant" and "terrible," but nonetheless it made me laugh. I can't decide if me laughing at this is bad or not...
The front: Is a picture of the end scene from "It's a Wonderful Life." If you can't tell, he has photoshopped vampire fangs and blood onto the faces of the characters.
The inside reads:
And that's my brother for you. I think he should be a writer for SNL. I also think I should get him to help me come up with awards and "in the halls" verses. He could give Kyle a run for his money.
" Well, it's that time again, and while we were tempted to send you another self indulgent holiday portrait to clutter your refrigerator door until sometime in mid February, we opted instead to send you a picture from our favorite holiday movie, Massacre on 34th Street. Just kidding, that movie isn't real, although it should be. Actually, we went with this photo because we feel like the Twilight movie franchise probably hasn't shoved enough teeny-vampy-sexy stuff down your throats yet. Anyway, on with the obligatory update...
It was a long year full of disappointment for Josh and Lauren. After first abandoning his plans to travel the world designing bridges and skyscrapers, and then losing the family banking and loan business to Bernie Madoff, Josh decided to throw himself off a bridge. Unfortunately, he also failed in this last venture as his efforts were thwarted by a mildly senile old transient (plenty of those here in Eugene). The two were last seen together in Nick's bar drinking Rob Roys and shouting inappropriately at couples. Driven mad with grief and shame, Lauren took a job working nights at the library and has since resigned to become an old maid who never marries... kind of like the brunette in Three's Company... no, not John Ritter (RIP). In her spare time, she is preparing a needlepoint retrospective of the poems of Sylvia Plath.
The cats are ok, aside from the fact that one of them crapped a little on the bed last weekend.
That's about it. Thanks for reading the whole card.
Amen."
And that's my brother for you. I think he should be a writer for SNL. I also think I should get him to help me come up with awards and "in the halls" verses. He could give Kyle a run for his money.
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